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We've had a pretty good week. Being halfway there is an amazing feeling. I truly never thought we'd make it this far into a pregnancy with the baby still doing so terrifically. We're half-baked. 50% complete. 20 weeks down, 20 to go. I just asked John how he feels about us being halfway there.
His response: (grumbles) "I feel like I was halfway asleep before you woke me up to ask me... It's scary. I thought we had so much more time. Let me go back to sleep. Jrfoidngoiehroarh"
I, on the other hand, am relishing the fact that time is starting to move quickly. The first 14 weeks or so were painfully slow. Especially before our First Trimester Screening (NT Scan). I was in a constant state of panic that a miscarriage would happen every minute. Every new feeling was scrutinized. Every symptom set off alarms. I don't think I will ever fully recover from my miscarriage in September. Something that no one else could see has done more damage to me than anything else could. We still miss that baby everyday. There's an ornament on our Christmas tree for him/her that we'll continue to hang every year. We call our angel baby Peanut and wish that we at least had a picture of an ultrasound to keep of him/her. We don't. Just the memory of him/her.
That kind of brings to mind the reason why we call this baby Rambo. It has to do with Peanut. Losing our first baby really knocked me down. I was in a bad, dark place for a little while. One night, while watching T.V., "First Blood" (aka Rambo I) came on. The plot revolves around a man named John Rambo, who, upon his arrival home from Vietnam, finds the country to be different than when he left. He no longer fits in. One day, while walking through a small, northwestern town, totally minding his own business, the police begin to harass him due to his vagrant-like appearance and the fact that he is a "stranger."
Rambo winds up getting arrested for staying in town (not breaking any laws, mind you) and the police decide to "teach him" who is in charge in that town. They abuse him and humiliate him. They underestimated him too. Rambo escapes into the woods, where his Army Ranger training puts him at a great advantage. He then exacts the most revengiest revenge the world has ever seen. It was glorious.
In the end, it was his pursuers that needed saving from him, not other way around. To quote Col. Troutman, the man who "made" Rambo what he was, "I don't think you understand. I didn't come to rescue Rambo from you. I came here to rescue you from him." Simply put: you don't mess with Rambo. He's tough and he's a total badass.
So, after watching First Blood, I found that I really identified with Rambo after my miscarriage. I was hurt and blindsided. I was robbed. Just like John Rambo. Seeing that movie kind of revved me up and I decided to get "revenge", as corny as that sounds. I made it my business to get pregnant again, as soon as my body was healthy enough (don't worry, I followed all doctor's orders). And today, we have a little boy on the way who we affectionately call Rambo. He's tough. He's strong. He's going to persevere and get revenge for the little sibling that went to heaven before he was made.
I still worry all the time and wait for the other shoe to drop. However, as time goes by, the realization that this just may be our take-home baby sinks in further. I am blessed.
Well, things got a little dramatic in here, didn't they?
On to the fun stuff! The weekly survey.
How Far Along: 20w3d
Sex: boy
Size of baby: According to the thebump.com, the average size for 20 weeks is 6.5 in, 10.6 oz. Last week at our anatomy scan, he was already 11 oz, so he's a bit ahead of that.
Other things baby is up to: His digestive system is busy creating meconium (a tarry black substance made of swallowed amniotic fluid, digestive secretion and dead cells), which will fill the first diaper after birth. And, speaking of the diaper situation... baby's genitals are now fully formed! Good to know, eh?
Total Weight Gain/Loss: + about 4lbs so far. Damn eggplant parm.
Movement: I am just starting to feel a little bit of movement in there. The Drs. tell me I have what is called an anterior placenta. This means that the placenta has attached to the front of the uterus (the anterior), rather than the back (the posterior). This is fine and healthy, but it means that there is kind of a pillow between me and the baby. That's why I'm not feeling him so much yet. The last two days, though, I am feeling some gentle movements. The other day, I felt two, distinct, soft, kicks during lunch. It was awesome.
Sleep: I sleep like a champ. Napping is my middle name. I love sleep. I just woke up from a 3 hour nap.
Symptoms: Lower back pain at night.
Cravings: Still eggplant parm. Fresh pineapple is heavenly this week too.
Maternity Clothes: I grew out of my last pair of non-maternity work pants this week. My regular sweats still fit, but otherwise from now on, it's maternity bottoms. I've started wearing some maternity shirts, but most of my regular ones still fit.
Belly Button: Innie still.
Milestones: halfway there!
Looking forward to: Feeling more movement from the little guy.
Next appointment: Tuesday, 3/29
Times I used the doppler in the last week: I think just one. I got his heartbeat good and strong for about 3 minutes, and then he ran away and I lost him. Sometimes I can hear him kick it. I think he gets annoyed. Can't say I blame him.
Other: We registered this week! Babies R Us and Pottery Barn kids. This is the bedding we picked. John really loves it (seriously).
And here is the weekly bump pic. I look tremendous today and got quite a few comments at work.
Have a great week!
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