25 weeks!

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I am exhausted this week! After being home from work for 19 days (due to doctor's orders and spring break), I went back. It wasn't bad, for the most part. The only part that was bad was the heat. We hit over 80 degrees this week around here, and working in an almost 50-year old school with no A/C, believe me, I felt that heat all the way. It was bad. I have a fan in my classroom, but it didn't do much to help this big ole' pregnant lady cool down. By Thursday, I was sending students to the nurse to get me ice packs! Other than that, I liked being back there. I missed my students (who I really love) and I missed my co-workers too (they are the best). It was nice to be back into the world again. 

We spent last weekend (Easter weekend) with John's family and had a great time. John's parents gave us money to order Rambo's mattress and to pay for his crib. We ordered the mattress on Monday and it was here by Friday! It's a Natural Mat Coco Mat crib mattress. Hopefully, Rambo finds it to his liking.

There was also some sadness this week. Wednesday, April 27, marked what would have been Peanut's due date. I was more upset than I thought I would be. It was really hard. I know that I have a beautiful boy inside of me now, and I would not trade him for anything, but I miss my other baby too. I think John feels conflicted about Peanut sometimes. It's obvious that he still loves and misses Peanut, but I think he feels guilty if he gets sad--like he is betraying Rambo. Those are feelings that I have all the time too.  

Is it OK to feel sad and miss a baby that you lost so early when God has given you a blessing that is right here, kicking and rolling inside of you, loving you already? 

I think most people think it's stupid to think about, or I am being over-the-top by still talking about it, but that was my baby, is still my baby, and I miss him/her. Happy Birthday, Peanut.

The Weekly Survey! 

How Far Along: 25 weeks, 5 days

 

Sex: boy

 
Size of baby: See above, I guess. I had a very quick ultrasound this week, but she didn't measure him.  

Other things baby is up to: As he gets bigger, his heartbeat is getting louder. In fact, it is now audible with a stethoscope, and may be audible by putting an ear to my belly! The formation of tiny capillaries is giving Rambo a healthy pink glow. He's also soaking up my antibodies, getting the immune system ready for life outside the womb. Rambo's eyes are forming too; I wonder if they'll be blue or green.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: +10 (total). Dr. L didn't mention it, so I guess that is OK.

Movement: Lots. He was jumping on what felt like my bladder before lunch at work the other day. Totally weird.

Sleep: I'm falling asleep everywhere.

Symptoms: I'm hot, tired, and emotional.

 

Cravings: Sweets. Sugar and I are old lovahs.

Aversions: None. Feed me, Seymour.

Maternity Clothes: Mostly. Still in regular sweatpants and huge t-shirts around the house.

Belly Button: A widening innie. I can fit 2 fingers in my belly button right now, it is so stretched out. Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

 

Milestones: I passed the 1-hour glucose tolerance test! This means I do not have gestational diabetes, which is super good news for a chunkster who loves candy. There are also 100 days left until my due date! Woo hoo!

Looking forward to: The furniture is coming next Thursday, and I am eager to see his nursery come together.  

What I Miss:  Diet Coke, now that it's hot. I was never a big soda drinker, so this is weird. I am also missing sleeping on my stomach so much! 

Next appointment: May 10th for a visit with the MFM Specialist (high-risk Dr.) for a follow-up to our problem a few weeks ago (see 22 weeks) and for a growth scan. That should be a fun ultrasound since they have level II machines. 

Times I used the Doppler in the last week: 0

Weekly bump pic: Large and in charge. And yes, there is only one in there, and he has measured normal up to this point. 

24 Weeks!

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This week marks two very special milestones: the first and foremost is that we have now reached the gestational age of viability (I call it V-day--click that link for more info).  I know that if he were to come now, Rambo would still face many, many difficulties, probably for the rest of his life. But "they" would be more able to save him now than they were next week, which is everything. Next week, the chances increase, and every week after that. I hope he waits until August though.

 

The second milestone, is that we have begun to decorate and fix-up Rambo's nursery. Fun! 

On Sunday, we ordered furniture: 

The color we chose for the furniture is more of a cherry finish than what is shown. It's being delivered on May 5th, and I cannot wait.

We also painted his nursery. Well, by "we painted," I mean John painted and I supervised. 

We also picked up a neat cubby organizer, an end table, and a cool bookshelf that looks like a boat. I'll post pictures when it all comes together in the room. 

 

 

 

 

 

The Weekly Survey! 

How Far Along: 24 weeks, 4 days

 

Sex: boy

 
Size of baby: I have no idea. Probably close to 2 lbs. and at least 11-12 inches long. I'm guessing. I'll ask the Dr. to check next week at my appointment. 

Other things baby is up to: Rambo is growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week.  Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon. He is also beginning to hear completely.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: +9 (total). Holy shit. No more ice cream for at least a few days.

 

Movement: I feel him all the time. Lately his busiest time is in the morning while I'm still laying in bed. He gets the hiccups several times a week now.

Sleep: Still pretty good. Stress and anxiety now have the potential to keep me awake, and the nightmares/weird dreams continue to wreak havoc on my nights.

Symptoms: Back pain, muscle stiffness (I need to ask the Dr. if I can start exercising), visible linea negra. 

 

Cravings: Sweets. After getting on the scale today, I need to put the kibosh on that. 

Aversions: Healthy food. I need to do better this week. 

Maternity Clothes: Mostly. 

Belly Button: A widening innie. 

 

Milestones: V-day, nursery progress. 

Looking forward to: Holding my baby. 

What I Miss:  Coffee, sleeping on my stomach.... the usual

Next appointment: Wednesday, 4/27 for a check up and the Glucose Tolerance Test. This was also Peanut's due date, so I'm dreading that day. 

Times I used the doppler in the last week: 0

Weekly bump pic: I look like a fat ass. Stepping on the scale really made me feel bad today. 

23 Weeks!

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So, this week has been pretty boring. Late last week, I got put on strict bed rest due to bleeding, cramping, and a super scary trip to L&D. You know that expression, "Bored to Tears"? Well, on Sunday, I cried from frustration, boredom, and loneliness. I had to lay in bed or on the couch ALL DAY and could only get up to go to the bathroom and I could shower once a day. It sucked. Well, it wasn't all bad. My mother-in-law and my cousin sent over delicious food, and I am so grateful. That definitely brightened my weekend. I also had some quick visits from some family members that made me smile.

On Monday, we went back to Dr. L (my OB) to follow up on the bleeding and get an u/s to check on Rambo. He looked wonderful, as usual. He was grabbing his ankles and had his feet up near his face. Just chillin' like that. We got a little view of his face and this week he looks like me. Last week, he looked like John. Here's the profile shot we got (where he looks like me): 

Here's the one from last week where he looks like John. It's a close up of his face with a level II machine. That's some schnoz! 

The Dr. was pleased that the bleeding has stopped, but cautioned that this is still a sensitive time for me. I am done with bed rest (hallelu-yer!), but I am now on a modified form of rest. I don't have to lay down all day, but I am not to go grocery shopping, to the mall, etc. Oh, and I am out of work until 4/26! You'd think I'd be happy about this, right? Well, I'm not. I want to join the world of the living. I'm lonely. 

We also had to cancel our trip to Florida for spring break next week. I am super bummed about this because I have been looking forward to it and I love Sarasota. We just can't take the risk of something happening while we're 1,000 miles away. If Rambo decided to come now, no one would be able to save him and I just couldn't face that away from home. Plus, John would be a nervous wreck the whole week. Staycation it is. 

I hope no one misinterprets my whining for ungratefulness. My number one priority is my son. Screw the vacation, Florida will always be there. Who cares about bed rest? My baby is healthy. I'd walk through fire wearing a catheter forever if it meant my baby would be safer. I mean that whole-heartedly. I'm just being a grouch on the couch. 

John and I were thinking of maybe taking a day trip somewhere for my spring break, since I'll be bored. We can't think of anything good to do--not too far, and not too active. Any suggestions? 

The Weekly Survey! 

How Far Along: 23 weeks, 2 days

 

Sex: boy

 
Size of baby: Well, last week he weighed 1 lb. 3 oz. (19 oz), So, he's got to be over 21 oz. by now. I've read that babies at this point in gestation gain an average of 3-6 oz. per week. I'm thinking he's about 12 inches tall. My baby is the length of an ear of corn! Grandpa would be so proud. 

Other things baby is up to: His body and head are now at the same proportions as a full-term baby, but he is still quite frail and wrinkled. He's just starting to gain body fat, so his skin is still translucent and see-through. Rambo's eyes are formed, but lack pigment, and thus have no eye color! Weird! He is practicing his breathing, and so, gets hiccups sometimes. I felt this the other day. The survival rate for infants born at 23 weeks is only 10%, and for those that survive, the rate of having serious health complications is over 90%. He really needs to cook a lot longer. 

Rapid eye movement and dreaming are beginning. I wonder what he's dreaming about. Maybe ice cream? He seems to like that a lot. He's also hearing a lot these days: air going into and out of my lungs, my stomach gurgling, my voice and John's voice (both of which he will be able to recognize at birth). I think this is definitely true because whenever John talks for a few minutes, like if he's telling a story, the baby starts to move a lot. He loves his daddy!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: +6 (total). It was so nice not gaining for so long. I think those days are over.

 

Movement: Every day. I can feel it best when I am laying on my back. On Monday, I had an ultrasound and I got to see his arm move at the same time that I felt it.

Sleep: This week, sleep has been weird. I am waking up a lot at night and having bad nightmares. Poor John gets startled several times a week. The other night I had a dream that my sister used all the clean towels and I had none to shower with. John was awoken to a shrill, "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW??" at three in the morning. Yep, I'm a sleep talker. Ask John what happened the time I had a dream I was being attacked by an opossum. He didn't appreciate it.

Symptoms: Fatigue. Back pain. Bad back pain at night.

 

Cravings: My cravings are not like those you see in the movies, where the lady needs to eat something particular and her husband goes out in a snowstorm to get it (remember Lady and the Tramp? "Watermelon! Oh, and some Chop Suey!"). It's more like, "Oh, banana pancakes sound good. Let's eat that." I can live without them, but why would anyone live without banana pancakes? 

Aversions: None that come to mind. I'm pretty hungry lately. 

Maternity Clothes: Mostly. 

Belly Button: Innie.Still.

 

Milestones: I felt Rambo's hiccups for the first time this week. 

Looking forward to: Squishing his tushie and kissing his toes.

What I Miss:  Sleeping on my stomach. I think I'd sleep much better if I could. 

Next appointment: Wednesday, 4/27 for a check up and the Glucose Tolerance Test. This was also Peanut's due date, so I'm dreading that day. 

Times I used the doppler in the last week: None. He moves a lot and I had an u/s on Monday, so I'm not too concerned about whether his heart is beating right now. Maybe later. 

Weekly bump pic: These are regular clothes, non-maternity. You can see the shirt getting a little short. I look like a fat kid in a cartoon. 

22 Weeks and a trip to Labor and Delivery (TMI alert)

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Well, we certainly had an interesting week, to say the least. It started out great. I've been feeling lots of movement and I even saw the baby kick the other night. My belly twitched three times where he was kicking. It was truly cool. 

Last night when I got home, my back hurt so bad that I couldn't bend over to pick up my socks. I had to lay down in my bed for an hour before I could even change into sweatpants (for those of you that know me, you know the sweats come on as soon as I walk in the door). I dealt with it, and didn't take any Tylenol. I just went to bed as usual. 

This morning, I woke up fine. After my shower, around 7:30, things got scary. While drying off, I realized I was bleeding, you know, from there. So I lumbered into the living room to tell John. We called my OB and since I wasn't feeling any other symptoms, she said to call her office at 9 to schedule a time to come in to get checked. 

I called at 9, and by then I was having mild cramping. When the Dr. heard that I was cramping, she sent me straight over to the hospital, to Labor and Delivery. Once there, I was hooked up to a fetal monitor to check for contractions. Luckily, I wasn't having any, but Rambo decided that he didn't like the monitor. He kicked and punched it the entire time it was on my belly. He's such a brat. 

I had several more tests, including an internal exam and an ultrasound by a MFM Dr. In the end, it was decided that my placenta caused the bleeding. It could mean nothing (most likely), but needs to be monitored. I'll have to visit a high-risk specialist a few more times throughout my pregnancy in addition to my regular OB visits. I've been placed on strict bed rest until my follow-up appointment on Monday. Say a prayer for little Rambo and his freaked-out parents!

The Weekly Survey! 

How Far Along: 22 weeks, 3 days

 

Sex: boy

 
Size of baby: Not sure about the length (see above for estimates), but I found out today that he weighs 1 lb. 3 oz. 

Other things baby is up to: Rambo is now able to hear outside noise from down in the womb. Studies show that baby finds gentle music and my own voice most soothing. Nipples are starting to sprout, and that little face is fully formed. And, baby's starting to settle into sleep cycles, snoozing about 12 to 14 hours a day. Just like momma. Tooth buds have formed under the gums and there is lanugo hair covering the body. Eye brows and eye lashes have developed completely, but are probably white. Sweat glands have now developed. Oh, and his testicles are starting to descend into the scrotum. That is good news, huh?

Total Weight Gain/Loss: +5 (total)

 

Movement: Every day! And on Tuesday, 4/5, I SAW my belly move with a kick! Thank you Ben and Jerry's for supplying the baby with fuel for this feat!

Sleep: No problemo. Me likey.

Symptoms: Lots of nose bleeds, especially in the morning. Back pain. Bad back pain.

 

Cravings: Sweets, I guess. Although I don't think I can blame this on the baby.

Aversions: Organic tomato soup. Used to love it. John packed my lunch and put it in there and I wanted to throw it against the wall. Sorry, John. :)

Maternity Clothes: Yep. And some of my sweat pants feel uncomfortable now. Great!

Belly Button: Innie.

 

Milestones: We secured a place for daycare this week. It's a great place and we love it. I'm not happy about sending him to daycare in general, but we gots to do it. 

Also, the big milestone this week is the belly-shaking kick!

Looking forward to: Holding him when he is born healthy and full term. Gina offered to deliver Sunday dinner, so I'm pretty stoked for that. Oh and she might bring me cupcakes from Sugarush in Redbank tomorrow. If you haven't been there yet, you simply must. 

What I Miss:  Coffee. None of that decaf crap, the real deal. The first words out of my mouth Tuesday morning to John were, "Tell Murph that when he comes to visit the baby, he'd better stop at Java Girl and get me Some Blackberry Cream Coffee first." John just laughed and said he'd get right on it. I'M SERIOUS, MURPH! I also miss martinis and oysters. Mmmm...

Next appointment: Monday, 4/11 for a follow up to today's drama.

Times I used the doppler in the last week: 2. I had a dream earlier this week that the baby died. As soon as I woke up, I looked for his heartbeat. I also used it today when I realized I was bleeding. 

Weekly bump pic: None this week. Sorry, I'm on bed rest. I'll leave you with this one instead: 

I Had the Weirdest Dream Last Night...

Ever since I've can remember, I've had incredibly vivid, albeit weird and often disturbing, dreams while I sleep. I also tend to remember every detail of those weird dreams. John is both amazed and horrified by this ability at the same time. Sometimes they're so vivid, that I wake up angry or sad, or sometimes even crying.

Pregnancy has served to heighten this ability. My dreams are bat-shit crazy. I mean, cray-zay. Not too long ago, I had a dream that I cheated on John with the time-traveling ghost of John Ritter. WTF? Even I am laughing while writing this.

The dreams that I have about the baby can be the best or the most stressful, depending on what happens in them. About a month or so after my loss, I dreamed that I had a baby boy. I could smell his hair. Like, really smell it. And when he spit up, I could smell that too. I felt his weight when I held him and I actually felt his skin. When I woke up, I was equal parts happy and sad. Happy that I "met" my baby, but sad that that was the only way that I'd ever meet that one. Bittersweet, to say the least.

Lately, my baby dreams are about little Rambo. Often, I'll dream that I leave him someplace in his car seat (like at the old Acme that used to be at the Yorktowne shopping center, for example), or forget to feed him. In one dream, I was in a shitty hospital--old and dirty, and had just given birth. The nurses forgot about me for two days and, for the life of me,  I couldn't figure out how to breastfeed. I was yelling, "Could someone teach me how to do this?!" When I woke up, I realized that if need be, I could figure that one out myself!

My favorite baby dreams are the ones that are calm. Where I can hold the baby and know that he is alright and feel how much I love him. And how very, very happy I am to have this blessing.

I also have been dreaming that I have a little girl lately. I'm not sure where this is coming from. I have no doubt that Rambo is a boy (and those of you that have seen the photographic ultrasound proof would agree). Maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something?

Eh, probably not. If so, what the hell would it have been trying to tell me about my affair with the ghost of John Ritter?

21 Weeks and a Kick for Daddy

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Great things that happened this week:


1. I felt movement everyday, and it's obvious that it is the baby! 
2. We've decided on baby furniture, but still have to go back to order. 
3. John felt the baby kick from the outside! It was one of the best moments of my life. 
4. I took 5 naps for a grand total of 12 hours of afternoon sleeping. 

The Weekly Survey! 

How Far Along: 21w3d

 

Sex: boy

 
Size of baby: According to the thebump.com, the average size for 21 weeks is 10.5 inches and 12.7 oz. Roughly the size of a banana. He's grown a lot! When I first found out I was pregnant, he was the size of a poppy seed!

Other things baby is up to: Baby gulps down several ounces of amniotic fluid every day, both for hydration and nutrition and to practice swallowing and digesting. And, these days, those taste buds actually work! Studies show that after birth, babies are most interested in tastes they've already experienced through amniotic fluid.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: + about 4-5 lbs total so far. 

 

Movement: I have felt him every day this week! His busiest times are after lunch and in the evening. It's the most amazing feeling. Last night during a particularly active stretch of time, I told John to put his hand near my belly button. The baby kicked his hand with the strongest kick yet! We were both amazed and so excited to meet our son.

Sleep: I'm thinking of changing my middle name to "Sleep" and my address to "The Couch".

Symptoms: Lower back pain at night. Weird dreams.

 

Cravings:  Fresh pineapple & sweets.

Maternity Clothes: Mostly wearing all maternity. My regular pants don't fit (except sweats and stretchy ones) and some of my regular shirts still look alright.

Belly Button: Still an innie, but it's shrinking and getting smaller.

 

Milestones: Feeling movement of the outside for the first time!

Looking forward to: Everything. I cannot wait to meet my son.

Next appointment: 4/27

Times I used the doppler in the last week: Once.

Other: We had our Dr. appointment this week. Rambo's heartbeat was about 145 and he looked so cute on the ultrasound (no pics :( ). His fists were near his ears and his knees were pulled up to his tummy, so he was in the fetal position. Guess that's why they call it that, huh? Everything looks great and the pregnancy is right on target. Next month, I have to take the Glucose Tolerance Test. Bleh. Wish me luck. 

Weekly bump pic: This one was taken on Tuesday before work. No, my hands don't really look like that. I swear. I'm standing in the baby's still unfinished nursery.